Support her decision to breastfeed. This might be the most important thing a new dad can do. Some moms do find breastfeeding very difficult and physically exhausting, and there are bound to be times when she questions whether it’s really the best thing to do.
Although you should let her know you will support her whatever she decides, don’t encourage her to give up and move onto the bottle. Remind her that breastfeeding is giving baby the best possible start in life, and tell her how proud you are of her persevering.
Offer snacks and drinks. Always bring a new mom a glass of water when she’s breastfeeding, it’s thirsty work. Offer her a snack or a drink, but not a hot drink; babies and boiling water just don’t mix well. Make sure you put the snack where she can reach it, and that it’s something she can eat with one hand. There’s nothing more frustrating to a hungry mom than being able to see a tasty treat she can’t reach or can’t manage to eat it.
Make sure she has everything she needs. When baby starts screaming for a feed it can be hard for mom to get organized and have everything she needs to hand. This could be a feeding cloth, a nursing pillow, a good book, or the remote control for the TV. Baby manuals suggest that breastfeeding is supposed to be a magical bonding time for mother and baby, but if baby feeds every two hours, for thirty minutes or more, the novelty of watching baby suckle may wear off pretty quickly.
Don’t banish her to another room. When mom and baby first come home from the hospital, you will no doubt have a constant stream of visitors. Don’t foprget that mom may feel uncomfortable feeding in front of male friends or family members, especially in the beginning.
If mom wants to go to the bedroom with baby that’s fine, but she may be feeling left out and resentful if she spends most of her time in there while you are laughing and joking with all your friends in the living room. Perhaps at feeding time you could suggest that the men move to the kitchen to get a drink, leaving the women to feed the baby.
Check whether she is feeding before you let visitors in. This is really a follow on from the last tip. Breastfeeding discreetly can take some practice, and most moms won’t bother to try to cover up when it is just you and baby in the house. The sudden arrival of unexpected visitors in the room where she is nursing could cause enormous embarrassment to the new mom as well as the visitor. Most people will understand if you ask them to wait in the hallway while you check for exposed breasts.
Understand her need to breastfeed in public. A friend of mine was completely shocked when her usually liberal and understanding husband started complaining about her breastfeeding in public. He thought that such an intimate activity should take place at home, but that if she had to do it in public she should at least go to the ladies restroom.
The problem was that he didn’t understand how tied new moms are to their babies when they are breastfeeding, and that she never knew whether baby would need another feed in four hours, or thirty minutes. If she hadn’t breastfed in public, she’d never have left the house. While more and more restaurants and public places are providing rooms for breastfeeding, most restrooms are simply not equipped for nursing, and are often not clean enough to contemplate it.
Learn to take advantage of the time between feeds. Does this situation sound familiar? Your wife has just finished feeding the baby and immediately jumps up to get ready to go for a walk. You suggest delaying going out for an hour or so because you’re watching the game and you can’t understand why she gets so upset.
The reason for this is that she knows she has limited time before the baby needs feeding again. She wants to take advantage of every moment she has a full and satisfied baby so don’t ask to put things off for an hour or two, her time is very precious!
Take the baby to her at feeding time. This is especially important if she is taking a nap. Mom really needs her rest and sleep in the first few weeks after the birth, so don’t get her out of bed to feed the baby. Taking baby to her so she can feed in bed will be more relaxing for her and will allow them both to go back to sleep once the feed is over.
Try to stay awake during at least one night feed. Maybe you think it’s unnecessary for both of you to be awake during the night when only one of you can do the feeding, but night feeds can seem very long and exhausting when mom is doing it all by herself. It is a time when her tiredness or the stresses of being a new parent will all seem much worse, and having someone awake to talk to during at least one night feed can make all the difference.
Offering to change the baby during the night if necessary, or putting the baby back into the crib once the feed is over can also be helpful ways to let mom get some more sleep.
Offer to do some night feeds once her supply is established. When mom first starts nursing she will have to do all the feeding directly to establish her milk supply and get used to the baby’s feeding routine. After a few weeks, however, mom could consider expressing milk using a breast pump from time to time to give her a little more freedom and flexibility.
If mom can express milk, the in theory you could take on some of the night feeding. Most mom’s will understand that this could be exhausting if you are working full time, but just doing the Friday and Saturday night feeds could make the difference between mom that is coping with baby, or one that is dropping from exhaustion.
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