Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

It’s four A.M. when I get the call. My feet hit the floor and I’m half way out of the room before my eyes ever open for the first time. Somehow I manage to trip at least twice as I pad through the house, even though I’ve walked this path before. The door opens and I can see a tiny fist waving angrily in the air and tired little tear-streaked eyes meet mine as I bend over the crib. “It’s okay,” I tell her, “Daddy’s here.” And I couldn’t be happier about it.

Before my daughter was born my buddies and I use to joke about what delivery would be like. I was the first of the group to get married and the first to have a baby, so it was uncharted waters for all of us. But we had all decided beyond a shadow of a doubt that we wanted to be “pitching” for the big moment rather than “catching.” Yeah, we were new.

At first I thought that it was weird when my friends would ask my wife questions about the baby or get all shy when it came to touching her stomach, but then I realized something. They were just as curious and in some ways, as excited as I was. They had all the same questions I did; they just didn’t have anyone to who they could ask. So they would get all red and blurt them out at my wife after a few adult beverages. She, who has known all these guys for years, would laugh and then lie through her teeth to watch their eyes get big. She has a mean streak that wife of mine.

What you have to realize is that girls grow up learning about babies from practically the day they are born. They watch other women go through pregnancies and learn a few things along the way about the whole process. For us guys it’s different, it’s like this big mystery. All we see is the belly getting bigger and then one day someone plops a baby in our arms and laughs when we don’t know what to do with it.

But the thing is that we are curious about what’s going on. I mean, you have to carry the baby, but we did have a hand in making it! So we go along to doctor’s appointments feeling very strange and out of place because we do want to be a part of this whole process.

To be truthful there were times during my wife’s pregnancy that I was jealous of her. She was getting to bond with our child in ways that I just couldn’t. For example, I remember the first time my wife felt the baby move. We were lying on the couch watching a movie together and suddenly my wife jumped up and grabbed her stomach. Her eyes were as big as saucers and I immediately thought that something was wrong.

As I am freaking out and running for my shoes, my wife has this kind of dreamy look on her face as she slowly rubs her stomach. She finally clued me in to what was going on, and I of course wanted to jump on the bandwagon and feel it too. But I couldn’t! In fact, it was another month before I could ever feel that first tiny little kick. So every time I saw my wife give a little smile as she stopped and rubbed her stomach, I felt a little twinge. There was no way for me to be a part of this.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you have to go easy on us. After all, we’re even more new at this than you are! I at least had nieces before I had my daughter, but I had several friends who had never even held a baby before she was born, let alone changed a diaper. And speaking of diapers, let us figure out how to do a few things on our own. We may not change a diaper the exact way that you do, but we will get it done. Granted we may also get peed on a few times before we master our technique, but that’s okay too. Well get it figured out in the end.

And if we offer to help with something, let us. It’s our way of reaching out and trying to be a part of this new situation. We know that you and Grandma can handle it; we just want to remind everyone that we’re still a part of the team.

When my little girl wakes up in the middle of the night I love being the one who gets to “rescue” her. You probably don’t believe me, but I love the feeling that I get from being able to comfort her. My wife doesn’t make me get up with her; in fact she offers every single time. But that’s the time I look forward to the most. When it’s nice and quite in the house and the two of us can spend a few quiet moments in the rocking chair together. When she drifts back to sleep I lay her back in her crib. Then I kiss her little head and remind her one last time that Daddy love’s her.