I come from a very traditional family. My mom was very active in the community when we were growing up - she was on the local school board for something like 20 years - but she did not work full time. I have two sisters and two sisters-in-law who have children and none of them have gone back to work full time after they had children. So perhaps it was just assumed that I'd stay home after my twin girls were born.
After all, it’s what I’m used to. However, I had a real struggle deciding what to do. My husband played a huge part in the decision as well, seeing as his life would also be greatly impacted, and here are the things we went through during the decision-making process.
The first thing we took into consideration was money. Could we survive financially without me working? It is true that my family will struggle without my salary. We lost about a third of our income when I left my job. However, my husband still makes a decent income, and we will get by. Also, day care would have taken a huge chunk of my income anyway.
To meet our new budget, I have learned money saving techniques that I never really bothered with before. I plan meals for an entire week, make a list, and then buy only what is on that list at the grocery store. When planning the meals, I pay attention to the grocery ads to see what is on sale that week. Also, my husband and I have virtually quit going out to eat. I do love to go out to eat, and this was a huge deal for me.
I think I have bought only one pair of shoes in the past six months, and that is completely unheard of for me. We have just tried to cut back on a lot of things without depriving ourselves. It is not like we’re eating beans and rice for every meal and making our own clothes (now that would be something to see). We are just more circumspect in the things we buy.
The next thing we took into consideration was what I like to call my emotional well-being. It’s not like I had the best job in the world, but it was my job and I did it well. I was fairly paid, I knew what was expected of me, and best of all I knew I could leave and find another job if I wanted to.
This is not really the case with full-time motherhood. I’m not paid at all, I have no idea what is expected of me, and, as far as I know, I can no longer drop off my twin girls at the fire station and be protected under the safe haven laws (I’m joking… kind of). To keep my equilibrium, I take some time for myself every day. I go for a walk or go to the grocery store.
The time I just went into the other room and read a book while my husband cared for the girls. Speaking of husbands, you really have to have his cooperation for this to work. Luckily, my husband tries to push me out the door every day. Well, he would push me if I showed any reluctance to go, which I don’t.
Even though I am not one of those people who think that kids who go to day care are going to end up in juvie, I do think that having one parent at home when the children are young creates a stable environment for them. Because I made less money than my husband, I was the obvious candidate.
I do know couples who have been the other way around, and that has worked just as well. My husband and I have both made sacrifices for me to stay home instead of going back to work, but it has worked for us. What is important is that we made the decision together and that we are both happy with it.
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