Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Even if you don’t experience a post-partum depression per se, there can come a moment in the first few weeks at home with your new baby when a feeling of utter loneliness swoops over you, and you sort of collapse into a chair, thinking, “What have I done???”

Perhaps you are the first of your friends to have a baby and don’t know anyone else with kids. Perhaps you are missing the bustle of your old job and being around that circle of friends. Perhaps you even feel a stab of terror because you have no idea how to go about meeting new friends that have babies just like you. After all, what are you supposed to do? Advertise for mommy friends on craigslist?

First of all, relax. You will definitely meet other mommy friends. Some may never be more than acquaintances that you nod to and chat casually with at the park. Some may be pals that you enjoy having over for playdates, but don’t really talk to about anything beyond baby issues. You’ll find that you treasure that kind of friend, though, because often you need someone to talk to who is just as obsessed as you are with dissecting the minutiae of nap schedules and green poop and teething. And a few may even become real girlfriends that you will end up hanging out with long after your kids are grown. Rest assured that with a smile and just little effort, you’ll be able to create a social circle full of friends to suit your every need at any moment of your child’s life.

How do you meet other mommies? Research in community magazines and websites what activities and events your community offers for its youngest members. Local libraries often hold free baby classes where the librarian teaches mommies a few songs with motions that they can do with their babies and then leaves the mommies and babies alone to visit. Even if your library does not have classes, you can still go stalk the children’s department and let your baby look around from his or her carrier and, eventually, explore the toys and books while you scope out the other mommies (or, depending on where you live, nannies).

Look into local recreation centers, creativity centers, and music schools as well. You’d be surprised at how low the age limit is for some classes. Sometimes parents sign their babies up for music, language, yoga, or exercise classes because they think this will enhance their babies’ development. And maybe it will, but the best thing about these classes is that they are full of parents to meet who might share your personal parenting philosophies. Another option is to sign up for a class or group that is really for you, but to which you can also bring your baby, like a Stroller Strides exercise class, a New Mom’s Support Group, or your local LaLeche League group. Or, if you want to try out an already-formed playgroup, check the Mommy & Me website for ones in your area.

Whatever class you go to, the first day when you get home, sit and write down the names of all the mommies and babies. You will be shocked at how hard it is to retain information in your brain after you have a baby! Keep this list as your cheat sheet to remind yourself of who is in the class with you. It can be pretty embarrassing (though also funny, and perhaps the key to starting a beautiful new friendship) to invite “Kristen” over for a playdate and discover that she is actually “Kathleen.”

You may be nervous at taking the step of turning a stranger from class into a new friend whom you feel comfortable inviting into your baby laundry-strewn home. But if you think about it, chances are the other mommy is just as starved for company as you are and would probably leap at the chance to get out of her own home for a few hours. If you are very introverted, force yourself to greet the other mommies by name and, over the course of a few classes, build up to chatting with them before and after class. Once you have found a few mommies you like, you can invite one over for a one-on-one playdate, or you may find it easier and more fun to suggest that several of you start a once-a-week playgroup that each of you can take turns hosting.

You won’t click with every single person you try to click with, and that’s fine. And sometimes you will like a mommy better than your baby likes her baby, and sometimes your baby will like another baby whose mommy does nothing for you. You and your baby will both have to learn to compromise! The important thing is just to keep going out there and meeting other mommies at parks, at zoos, even at local coffeeshops. Before you know it, your days will be full of fun playdates and birthday parties and your phone’s address book will be full of the numbers of people you can call on for advice, for help, or even just a quick chat.