Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Nine months of pregnancy. Labor, c-section, delivery. Bundle of joy that “makes everything worth it.” “She’s wonderful.” “I can’t remember what life was like without him.” “Being a mother is just the best thing I’ve ever done.” “Having a child is the most fulfilling feeling in the world.”

Take it from me, it’s all true. Sometimes.

But it sure doesn’t seem like anyone talks about the other times. And that puts a lot of pressure on a new mom. You’re exhausted and frustrated and feel like you’re way behind on the learning curve. Meanwhile, everyone else is waxing poetic about the joys of motherhood. It’s enough to make you cry in the shower. Or in the rocking chair at 3:00 a.m. after two hours of rocking a screaming baby. Or in the car on the way to Target to buy diapers and formula.

I’m gonna let you in on a dirty little secret. Mothering a newborn is hard. Really hard. Especially if you’ve never done it before. But still hard even if you have done it before.

It’s exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally. Babies are irrational little beings. They sometimes cry for no discernable reason. They don’t sleep through the night. They are hungry – all the time. You – and your partner, if you’re lucky – are responsible for meeting their every need.

When your friends talk about caring for a newborn in terms of sweetness, light and happiness, they’re either lying or have forgotten everything that happened to them. I’ve certainly been guilty of both. Sometimes we lie because it’s easier to get through a conversation by saying that “everything’s great!” Sometimes we lie to feel better about ourselves and because we don’t want anyone else to think less of us as mothers. And other times, we truly have forgotten how hard it was. (Which, if you think about it, is the good news – there will be a day in the future when you too forget the brutal and exhausting details of your newborn’s sleepless nights and colic.)

But moms should support each other rather than pressure each other. If your family and friends don’t seem to understand what you’re going through, there are other places to vent and share and find advice. (Although you might find that sharing your real feelings with your friends will result in a flood of similar feelings on their part!) Check your local area for moms groups. These groups usually have regular playdates or coffees – a great excuse to shower, get out of the house and hopefully share grown-up conversation with moms who can empathize with your exhaustion!

If support groups aren’t your thing, there are plenty of blogs on the internet in which moms just like us share their every day travails – the good and the bad. If you need something to let you know that “it’s not just you”, find a well-written parenting blog. Or you can participate in an online community of moms – message boards and forums where moms can touch base and share experiences, opinions and advice via the internet. The great thing about these communities is that you can participate whenever you have a spare moment – it might be 3:00 in the morning and you’re up feeding or bouncing a fussy baby, but you can still log on and take part in the conversation.

So, my message is basically this: you’re not alone. There are always going to be those “take your breath away” moments when you look at your baby and fall completely in love all over again. But there are also going to be moments when – be honest – you’re just tempted, if only for a minute, to run away. We’ve all been there whether we admit it or not. You’re not a bad parent, you’re a normal human being.  Who is very, very tired. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve already got too much going on to add another issue to the pile.