Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Assuming that everything has gone relatively well at the hospital for the birth of your child, taking your baby home can be a heady experience. So exciting. A little bit scary. The first few days at home are a wonderful adrenalin rush. The entire baby-parent discovery process can be amazing.

After a few sleepless nights and some struggles with feeding or other newborn issues, after your husband or mom or sister or best friend have headed back to work, mom will probably start to feel the strain. Add to that some major hormonal swings due to the post-partum body and you’re bound to have your fair share of crying jags. You’ll feel incompetent, exhausted, angry, sad, guilty and scared. And that’s all within the span of about 20 minutes.

Here’s the deal. You could be suffering from run-of-the-mill Tired, Hormonal Mama Syndrome. (Okay, I just made that name up – but the condition does exist for most women.) Or you could certainly be suffering from some degree of post-partum depression. Either way, you need some emotional support. Whether that support is personal or professional, you’ll need to decide for yourself. Please admit to yourself though that you can’t do this on your own.

You can absolutely care for and raise a baby on your own. The physical part, for sure. Single moms are amazing superheroes as far as I’m concerned. But you can’t get through the newborn phase (or any phase of child development for that matter) without some emotional back-up. Start with your partner, boyfriend, husband, if you’ve got one. Share your anxieties with him. He may have similar fears and frustrations. Or he may not get it at all.

So, you move on to the next line of defense – mom. If you’re lucky, you’ve got a supportive mother available to you. Mom’s support can come by way of babysitting, housecleaning, cooking, talking, advice or just hugs. She had at least one baby once, you know. She may actually know a thing or two about infants. And she definitely knows a thing or two or three about taking care of you!

Don’t hesitate to rely on your girlfriends. Moms of babies and small children are notorious for putting on the brave face and telling everyone how wonderful life is with baby. Don’t be fooled. Everyone had their miserable post-partum days – commiserate with some of your closest mom-friends. And just having an adult conversation with someone from your “previous life” is sometimes enough to make you feel human again too. (I often found that my girlfriends were just itching for an excuse to bring coffee and pastries to my house to get a peek at the baby. Take them up on their offers!)

If you’re not close to your family and you’re the only one from your circle of friends with a baby, your support can come online. You’re already here checking out Womb to Bloom for information – that’s a great start! Message boards and online communities are a great way to “meet” others in your situation – sometimes even in your hometown. Questions, information, stories and support are abundant on these boards.

If online interaction isn’t your thing, you can at least arm yourself with information about post-partum stress, emotional swings and depression. Spend an hour at the bookstore or the library – their pregnancy and newborn sections are usually quite substantial. Read some blogs written by real-life moms just like you. Sometimes just reading a shared story that seems similar to your life can bring relief. A validation that, maybe, just maybe, you’re not terrible at this mom thing after all.

And finally, I highly recommend that you talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. Post-partum depression is not something to be taken lightly or dismissed as “just the baby blues.” For many women, it is very real. Don’t rely on books or the internet to self-diagnose. Again, the way you feel is the just the way you feel. Your post-partum emotions do not make you a poor parent. Your doctor can help you sort out normal exhaustion and frustration from a diagnosable emotional disorder.

Don’t be afraid to talk. And hang in there!