Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

I have a cousin who recently had a baby. She was overseas with her armed services husband and away from family and friends at the time of her son’s birth and infancy. This gave her a lot of time to overanalyze and dissect her baby’s every move. And question her parenting skills and choices. There were a lot of panicked emails seeking advice. “When is he ever going to sleep through the night?” “My hair is falling out. Is that normal?” “I can’t stop crying. It’s horrible. I don’t know what to do.”

That last one is the one that gave me pause. Every question until then, I had answered pretty easily based on my own experiences with four different newborns. But I know that post-partum depression is not something to fool around with. So, that one? I had to think long and hard about it before replying. I’m no doctor. Just a lady with four kids. And this was someone I cared about in a potentially bad spot.

Post-partum depression is a very real condition. After your baby is born, hormonal and/or thyroid changes in your body can trigger depression. It’s a little bit like PMS-related mood swings – times 100.

Add this to the normal post-partum life with baby things like:

• Feeling tired after delivery
• Lack of sleep
• Overwhelming new responsibilities
• Stress due to changes at home and work
• Feelings of loss of identity and loss of control
• Loss of free time to share with your partner and friends

Beginning to see why post-partum depression is fairly common?

In answering my cousin’s email, I had let her know that her crying and exhaustion and frustration were all normal – even in new mothers without post-partum depression. (I never felt that I was clinically depressed after my children were born – but I had my share of middle of the night tears, after-breakfast tears and driving down the road with a crying baby tears.) Mothering a newborn is exhausting for everyone. And frustrating at times for everyone. But there is a fuzzy line somewhere in there where the exhaustion becomes clinical depression. And that’s where it gets very serious.

I ended up sharing my experiences with my cousin and telling her that it was typical to feel like she was feeling and to have a few good cries as a new mom. I told her to be sure to discuss it all – every symptom - with her obstetrician too. Just to be sure.

Some of the symptoms of post-partum depression sound extremely similar to the everyday life of a parent of a child under 12 months: feeling restless or irritable; feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed; crying a lot; having no energy or motivation; sleeping too little; trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions. We all had those problems at times. So, be sure to watch for signs that aren’t so typical of a new mom: feeling worthless and guilty; loss of interest or pleasure in activities; eating too little; sleeping too much; withdrawal from friends and family; headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations or hyperventilation. Fear of hurting the baby or yourself or having no interest in the baby are major signs that you should seek professional help immediately.

Postpartum depression can happen anytime within the first year after childbirth and it keeps you from taking care of yourself and your child. It is not to be given short shrift. Postpartum depression must be treated by a doctor. Treatment may include counseling, support groups, and medicines.

There are some things you can do to make yourself feel better, regardless of whether it’s the typical “baby blues” or actual post-partum depression. Get as much rest as you can.
Ask for help (your partner, family, friends, neighbors or even hired helpers like housecleaners or nannies) with household tasks and nighttime feedings. Talk to your husband, partner, family, and friends about your feelings. Find reasons to get out of the house – a shower, real clothes and a half hour at a coffee shop can do you a lot of good. Have a real, grown-up date night or afternoon with your husband or partner. Talk with other moms – either in person or online.

If you have even an inkling that you may be suffering from post-partum depression after reading the lists of symptoms above, speak with your doctor about it. Your OB can refer you to a mental health professional for further assessment. Chances are good that you do not have clinical post-partum depression but are just a typical, mentally and physically-spent mother. But check it out. You’ll never get these days with your newborn back. Why not make sure that you’ve done everything possible to enjoy those days? Your kids deserve a stable mother and you deserve the chance to enjoy your family.