And why does it matter what the thought process is? You have to wait a few weeks for sex anyway, right? Correct, but depending on how your thought process has changed determines how much ‘help’ you need to get back in to your romantic and sexual groove.
First time parents can be shocked by what happens when a baby is born. No matter how many books you have read or how many Lamaze videos you have studied, you didn’t really think the human body could do such things. You may be fascinated and want to have another child right away or you may be appalled and never want to have sex again.
Don’t fear, unless there is a significant and rare problem, you will be having sex within the next 6 to 10 weeks. You may not think so at first, but the body does heal quickly, trust me! If you are first time parents, follow these tips to ease back into a sexual relationship:
- Set the mood. Now that you are parents, there will be a lack of spontaneity in your life. Diapers, bottles and naps will come first, so you may have to force a little romanticism in to your life. Light some candles, dim the lights, order in dinner – little thoughts that can ease away the stress of a newborn and make it possible to feel romantic towards your partner. Because trust me, if they aren’t feeling romantic, there won’t be any thing else to follow later.
- Go gradual. Pick a date on the calendar when the doctor says it is OK and try (If you like). Fool around a little and see where you end up. If your body is still sore, postpone the big event and opt for something else.
- Don’t force the issue. Don’t feel pressured to perform – and this goes for both partners – if you are sore or just too tired. Even though the doctor says six weeks, this isn’t a magic number where your body is guaranteed to be back to normal. Male partners can be just as tired and stressed out and not be in the mood as often as the female partners are. The time will come when it feels right. Forcing it will only leave you both frustrated and unfulfilled.
- Seek assistance if your sex life isn’t working. If you tried to go gradual, you’ve set the mood and several months go by and you still aren’t having sex, consult a professional. A therapist or family physician may offer advice and counseling to help you get back to normal.
Parents who have had a child before have already worked through the trials and tribulations of getting back to sex. They may know how to overcome the physical issues, but what about the time issues? Now they are doubly busy with two or more children in the house. After laundry, cooking, cleaning, school and errands, sex is the last thing on your mind. Here’s how to cope with time:
- Schedule the time. It doesn’t sound romantic, but if you see a red heart on the calendar for Wednesday at ten, you can work your schedule around it. OK, the laundry has to be done by ten, so I will do the dishes and leave the vacuuming for tomorrow. And if a partner sees the heart, they may be more inclined to help get the chores done to make it to the allotted appointment time on time.
- Setting the mood may be even more important for families with more than one child already. Romance takes a back seat to infant demands and toddler or preschooler demands, so any help to get in the mood are much appreciated by either party. An evening out, dinner by candlelight or even a movie can all help to get some quality time alone, which helps to set the mood.
Even if you say you aren’t having sex EVER again after that ordeal, you will. The human body can stretch amazingly well and then heal itself even better. Sex is a part of human nature and one that you should enjoy. By following a few tips, you can have your sex life up and running after the doctor approves, even if you vowed that you would never do it again!
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