Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Bringing home a baby opens a lot of new doors for you. You and your partner will have more responsibilities than ever before. There is the shifting of schedules so that your baby’s needs come first. And don’t forget the feeling of selflessness when you put your baby’s needs above yours. One other little door you might not have opened is actually a big one…the door to unwanted advice.

No matter how many books you have read or parenting magazines you subscribe to, you won’t know it all. Sometimes the best educator is hands-on experience and trial and error. However, no matter what you do, there will probably be a friend or relative who has some advice to offer you.

Advice can be helpful in the right moment. For example, you have a colicky baby and you are just at your wit’s end. Your neighbor had a colicky baby and shows you a few tricks to get you and your baby through the crying hours. That advice is welcome. Advice you may not care for is how you diaper the baby, when you let them sleep, how much you feed them, how you dress them, etc.

But when you don’t ask or feel you need any advice, it can be annoying. So how do you fend off unwanted advice?

First, understand. Advice is usually only offered by well-intentioned people who love you. They think you may be looking for advice, when in reality you just need to vent. The baby throws up every time you burp him and you are frustrated by the stains on the carpet. You just want someone to sympathize, not hear your friend’s account of how overfeeding your baby will make them obese as an adult.

Second, be tactful. If the advice comes in the form of something that needs to be tried or done right that instant and you aren’t comfortable with it, politely decline. When Aunt Meg suggests colic can be cured by giving the baby a shot of Jack Daniels, feel free to refuse the offer. Don’t throw the alcohol back in her face, but respectfully decline her method and say you have your own, thanks.

Third, take it with a grain of salt. Everyone wants to help and everyone loves babies. A relative may think they know it all – or did 30 years ago – but times do change. Don’t point out their old age and lack of knowledge on current affairs. It will only make you seem rude and ungrateful.

Advice is only given as a way help. First time mothers usually get more advice, with their first baby every other woman in the family wants to show them the ropes. Second and subsequent babies usually don’t require much advice, since the mother already knows the ropes. Ha! Don’t be surprised when you get advice after your fourth baby, because like as above, everyone thinks they still know it all, no matter how old their children are.

You will get through the baby years and manage your children just fine. Your neighbor, a younger sibling or even a child will have a baby and the next thing you know, you are spitting out advice! Laugh at yourself. Find a copy of this article and pass it on. That will be the best advice for a new mom.