Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

You’re pregnant! Congratulations! Now, let me tell everything you need to know about carrying, birthing, and raising kids. Oh, and by the way, everything you’ve been doing is completely wrong. And, Honey, are you sure that you want to eat that second cookie?

Sound familiar yet?

Yeah, I thought so. It seemed to me that as soon as I announced I was pregnant the advice started pouring in from all sides. In fact, there was such a flood of well meaning tidbits that I could very well have drowned in it. It’s not that all the advice was bad, there was just SO much that I had trouble sorting through it all to find the useful parts. It was like everyone wanted to tell me everything, instead of just whittling thing down to the important bits.

And don’t forget about the war stories! You’ll find that complete strangers are more than happy to tell you about how they pushed out their kid in the back of a taxi with no epidural and ten feet of snow on the ground. Then they tell you how lucky you are to have the luxury of just popping over to the hospital to gently deliver your baby. It’s like they equate it to stopping by the grocery to grab a quick snack.

All kidding aside, this unwanted flood of information is something that you are going to have to deal with the entire time you’re pregnant. And it doesn’t stop there, because after you actually have your baby they are just going to start telling you how to raise it. In reality, people are always going to get their two cents in whether you want them to or not. So how do you deal with it? Well, that depends; mainly on whether or not you ever want to talk to this person again. (Or whether your husband wants you to talk to them again, but that’s a topic for a whole different article.)

And, even though your first reaction might be to give them some advice of your own on where they can put their comments, first you might want to ascertain what kind of info are they sharing with you. After all, some of it might actually be useful! So, are you dealing with the supermarket mom that sees you vacillating between chicken with apples and turkey with sweet potatoes and offers her opinion, or are we talking about the harpy that snorts every time she sees you take a bite. See, big difference!

Let’s look at some possible responses to some common claims:

1. Honey you look ready to POP! Are you sure you still have two months to go?
Variations of this one can include, “Wow, you’re really eating for two!” or even simply, “You’re huge!” It doesn’t matter how someone says this to you, it’s never fun to hear. As a rule pregnant women are uncomfortable with their size. You can hear that your pregnant body is beautiful time and time again; it doesn’t mean that you will always feel that way. (Or that you will ever feel that way. I didn’t!)

So, how do you respond to this? You can always be a bit snarky and throw back something like, “Well, I’m just trying to catch up with you!” but most of us are too nice to actually say that. (Think it yes, say it not so much) I have found that the best response is to just smile and shake your head. Sometimes by not responding verbally, people get the picture pretty quickly. Then if they press it, you have a reason to be snarky.

2. Your definitely going to breastfeed, aren’t you?
For variations of this one just take out the word “breastfeed” and insert any other baby or child related term. People always have definite ideas of what you should do, and how you should do it. Sometimes you can get away with just kind of half listening to them. I mean the kind of listening where you keep one ear kind of open but really everything they are saying is just blending into the background like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

But if they’re persistent with it then you’re just going to have to stick to your guns and explain your choices. Just go into it knowing that its going to be one of those long discussions where no one ends up happy and both sides are convinced that they are in the right. So I have found that a great way to avoid the issue all together is to just claim that nature is calling and walk off. You can offer an apology or not, here again, it really depends on how nice you want to be.

You have to remember that most of this type of advice is given with the best of intentions, so you should respond in kind. And I do have to admit that occasionally you might want to give more than just half a listen. You could hear about some wonderful new timesaver that you didn’t even know existed!

3. That’s NOTHINIG! Let me tell you about ____!
Ah, the good ole’ war stories. There is nothing on this earth guaranteed to give you pre-labor jitters like hearing about all the horrible things that might go wrong. (Unless it’s watching all those baby shows on TV. My husband banned those from our home by my fourth month because I was learning WAY too many new things to obsess about!) I don’t care who you are, you can’t avoid these stories and you don’t want to hear them. So, my advice is just have fun with them.

When some woman throws out some crazy tale that you didn’t ask for, throw one right back. I’m sure that your imagination is working overtime here so you can come up with something to make her toes curl. Like if she tells you how big her baby was say something like, “Well, that’s nothing. See this belly, I’m only 5 months pregnant. My doctor says I’m on track to deliver a record breaker!

Here is my personal favorite. My sister-in-law has triplets that are 18 months older than my daughter, and then I also have a niece that is 6 months older. So when we were all out and the story telling started I would just pretend that all the kids were mine. Worked like a charm! Those women were so stunned; they just didn’t know what to say to that! Actually, it still works!

At the end of the day, you’re not going to be able to stop the flow of info no matter how much you might want to. Remember, this is your baby and its up to you to decide what’s best for them. You’ll find your way soon enough. And then, before you know it you’ll find yourself spouting off to some poor pregnant girl with a deer in the headlights look on her face. Then, as you walk away, you can smile to yourself and think about the time honored tradition that you have just shared?!