Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

As a new parent and head of your new family, you might find that interaction with your "old family" has become a little less enjoyable, less comfortable, and maybe a bit less open than it once was. When you're embarking on your journey into parenthood, the last thing you need is even more reason to wonder if you're doing what's right for your child, but your parents and siblings, in-laws, and even close friends can tend to do just that!

You already have numerous concerns about how to parent your new little one, and then you find that every time you talk to someone you love you're met with interrogation and criticism. Conversations center around your child (that's fine, you may not have much else on your mind) and everyone seems to have a different idea about how you should burp, feed, talk to your baby, or put him or her to bed. Even more controversial topics can arise as your child gets older, such as rules, discipline, diet, what to teach and even how to dress him or her.

It may be cliché, but it's true: your loved ones mean well. For some reason, they are afraid you don't know what you're doing. While it's not altogether empowering that people you love have so little faith in your competence, your parents might simply still think of you as their child. It will take time to change their minds, but this will happen when they come to see that the grandchild that they love dearly is growing up just fine under your able supervision.

When close family members and friends criticize your way of doing things, they may be feeling threatened because your parenting methods differ from theirs. It's an especially touchy situation with your parents; they may view it as you inadvertently telling them that everything they did for you was wrong and it can be a difficult argument, after all you did make it this far!

It's important to address your concerns, talk to the guilty party and tell them (with love) how their constant criticism makes you feel. In the case of your parents, be sure to let them know that you understand where they're coming from and you're grateful that they love your child so much. Tell them that you value their experience and you appreciate your upbringing, you want what's best for your family and how you choose to parent your children are very personal decisions based on that goal. Do not use the word "but" in this discussion, it will completely reverse the positive affirmation that came before it.

If the culprit is your mother-in-law however, it's best to have your partner do the talking with her. As you've probably realized, the wife-and-mother-in-law dynamic is a very unique one and the relationship can tend to be very fragile to begin with. You might try asking her for advice on topics that you don't really care about, but you know she would like to offer her opinion about.

In general, you must be open with the critic; avoiding early confrontation will only cause the stress to accumulate until you let it erupt with an earth-quaking explosion about treating a diaper rash.  A conflict like that can have a long-lasting effect on the nature of a relationship, but approaching the issue calmly and openly can actually have a positive impact and improve the relationship!

Having a new baby in the family has been a huge transition for everyone involved and because of the changes you have personally made, the things that you have learned about your own body, mind, and soul, your personal relationships must evolve also. None of the people close to you are actually inside your head (or atleast we should hope not!) where so many changes have taken place, so it’s necessary to give them a piece of your mind.