Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Talking about a new arrival can be difficult, especially when your older kids are old enough to be involved and ask questions.  When I got pregnant with my second child my son was already seven.  He was too old for me to avoid having to explain to him why I suddenly wasn’t feeling quite myself.  In fact, he was old enough that I wanted to let him participate as fully possible through the whole pregnancy and arrival of my new baby.

It helped that my son knew that we were planning on another baby.  He had in fact been begging us to give him a sibling for several years.  When I had my pregnancy confirmed I let him know right away.

Not everyone wants to tell their kids that they are pregnant at such an early stage.  With the risk of miscarriage some are afraid that their older kids would have too hard a time coping with the potential loss of a baby.  While I admit that this did cross my mind, I also was well aware of how hard a pregnancy can be on a mother.  I wanted my son to understand why I might not be feeling well and to not be afraid of the changes that were happening to me.

My son is a truly amazing boy.  Not only was he glad to hear about my pregnancy, but he promptly began finding ways to support me in my pregnancy.  If I was feeling ill he would volunteer to take care of small chores around the house or to make me something simple to eat.  When I was moody he was more tolerant of my mood swings and actually would come up to me and offer to cuddle with me to make me feel better.

By giving him a better understanding of what pregnancy can be like and explaining that it was normal for a woman to feel ill and to be moody when pregnant I gave him a chance to be actively involved in my pregnancy and to be a support to me rather than a stress.  Kids naturally want their mothers to be well and are concerned when things are out of sorts.  By understanding what is going on they can feel more at ease and help out from time to time.

In fact I didn’t stop there.  While my son knew the basics about where babies come from, he wanted to know more.  I found a computer program that told the entire story about where babies come from and how they develop inside their mothers.  Although there was a kids version of things, I chose to let him see the adult side (which of course left certain things to the imagination) so he could see the details of what was happening.  He was fascinated.  Each month of my pregnancy he eagerly learned about what was happening both to the baby inside me and to me.  When the baby was old enough to hear things happening around outside he began to take an interest in talking to the baby and reading to it.

Because he understood what was happening my son already began to bond with the soon to arrive baby.  He loved the little one and was excitedly planning what he would do with it as a big brother.  If I was out of sorts or had troubles he would happily declare that “it is the baby” and would not be overly worried about my wellbeing.

As labour approached I made sure that he understood that while difficult, it was a natural thing.  I reassured him that the doctors were there to help me and the baby and that they would take excellent care of us both.  While he wanted to be there for the delivery I made sure that it was clear that labour wasn’t exactly pretty and that it was better if he waited until the baby arrived.

A big concern he had was what would happen when I had to go to the hospital.  I talked to him about who would look after him and what would happen if I went into labour while he was sleeping or at school.  Because I know that he would be too distracted to do much at school if he knew I was in labour I told him that if I went to the hospital at night or in the morning he could stay home that day and be ready to come meet the new little one when it arrived.

Finally the day came when I went into labour.  Because I was induced my son got to stay home that day and hung out with his grandparents as he awaited the arrival.  As soon as things settled and were decent he came to the hospital and met his new sister.  It was love at first sight.

By preparing him for everything that would happen through the pregnancy, during delivery and after the baby came home my son was ready to enjoy the entire process.  He was fully involved and comfortable with what was happening.  He is a fantastic big brother and his new sister loves him very much.

While some prefer to keep information about the pregnancy and delivery to a minimum, I feel that keeping my son in the loop was highly beneficial to him.  Once a child is old enough to understand the basics of pregnancy and the arrival of a new baby they should be given the chance to be as involved as possible given their age and development.  I know that it certainly brought a wonderful new dimension out in my relationship with my son and prepared him for his wonderful new sister.