Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Some women view delivery day as their very own Hollywood premier with a guest list even Julia Roberts would envy. You know the kind of proud mammas-to-be you see on reality television who invites everyone on the planet inside their room for a peak at their privates and the little one’s arrival. Kudos to these brave ladies but that’s just not for me.

While I work as a television producer there’s no way on Earth anyone with a video camera was coming near me when I was spread eagle on D-day. So was on my guest list?  Just me, my husband and daughter-to-be. That’s what I wanted. But guess what? Not everyone was happy about it.

Before I tell you the sordid tale I’m going to give it to you straight: on delivery day there is only one person who decides who gets to witness the big event and who doesn’t: the one with the belly that’s about to pop. That’s who. Listen to what she has to say and you’ll make her a very happy lady.

Ignore her wishes and there’s no telling what she or hormones will do to you. No matter how badly you might want to be in the delivery room – if she wants privacy – you just have to suck it up and get over it. Remember, this is not about you; it’s about mom, dad and the little one you’ll do anything to see for the first time.

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone remembered this golden rule? Unfortunately, rule breakers often spoil delivery plans and give expectant moms the last thing they need, a headache. That’s what happened to me when I was eight months pregnant.

Here I was minding my own business just trying to safely waddle my way thru the last few weeks of baby making when someone I barely knew butted her nose into my business. The woman in question was a friend of my mother-in-laws. For some reason – which I still don’t know to this day - she fired off a nasty e-mail to my husband chastising me for excluding my mother-in-law from the delivery room.

Good grief. This woman who I’ll call Michelle – because that’s her real name – accused me of being selfish. She claimed that my mother-in-law was extremely upset by my decision but didn’t want to talk to me or my husband about it. Even though I met Michelle only once before - and my husband barely knew her any better – here she was griping about something that had nothing to do with her.

To make matters worse, she claimed that if my father-in-law was still alive he would be furious with me. That’s right; she really put her foot in her mouth, when she wrote those words. It takes a lot to get my husband mad and he was fuming when he read that e-mail.

Talk about a splitting headache.  Now, it didn’t surprise me or my husband that his mother expected to be in the delivery room. But like it or not this wasn’t her day it was ours. My mom wasn’t on the guest list either and she had no problem waiting a bit to see her granddaughter. As for Michelle well, I think she had a couple of glasses of wine before she fired off that e-mail.

But that’s no excuse. I told Michelle point blank never ever to bring the subject up again. She didn’t. My mother-in-law also gave her an earful. It turns out, the e-mail was just a surprise to her as it was to us she swore she never asked Michelle to contact us in any way shape or form.  Thankfully the e-mail debacle was the last thing on my mind when I gave birth to my daughter a month later. And as for my mother-in-law well, it really didn’t matter that she wasn’t in the delivery room because she was in heaven when she saw her grand-daughter for the first time a couple days later.

Now let’s face it most grandparents and often other family members and friends want to be included in the big event. That’s understandable. But is it realistic? Make sure you politely ask the mom-to-be about the delivery room guest list well in advance. Don’t ask just before her due date or worse when you get the call that she’s in labor.

And for Pete’s sake don’t demand this or that and expect the parents to automatically go along with it. They certainly have more important things on their mind, like getting thru labor and delivery. Besides these days many hospitals limit the number of people who can be in the delivery room and even the waiting room anyway.

So, if you’re invited to the big event, congrats. If you’re not on the list don’t worry you’ll be included - just not right away. So be patient. Better yet, ask the expectant parents what they would like you to do: head to the hospital waiting room or wait it out at home or in a hotel. They may even want to enjoy time with their new arrival for a few days before allowing any visitors.

No matter what their answer go along with it. After all, giving birth is stressful enough without having your parents, in-laws or friends barking orders. And whatever you do, never ever have a couple of glass of wine and shoot off an e-mail to the parents-to-be you may just live to regret those words.