Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

You might want to think twice before you tell your daughter to put cereal in the baby’s bottle or to get the little one a walker. While moms routinely did this decades ago pediatricians strongly advice today’s parents to ignore grandma’s advice.

Now if your mother-in-law is like mine telling her to keep her opinions to herself is easier said than done. If I quickly dismiss what she has to say her eyes start to well up. If I don’t put a band-aid on the problem immediately it’s only a matter of time before the waterworks begin. So what’s a new mom to do? I’ve come up with some ways to keep the peace. But believe me some of what I’m about to say is easier said than done.

Okay, I admit it. My mother-in-law raised two sons and each them turned out pretty well. I respect that. But does that mean I have to listen and like everything she has to say about parenting? Nope. Of course, plenty of what she has to say is true and tested advice. But some of it isn’t. Let’s face it times have changed. Some of things parents were advised to do back then are outdated and some are even dangerous.

When I was kid it was commonplace for parents to add cereal to a baby or toddler’s bottle. Due to today’s childhood obesity problem this is now a big no-no. These days baby formulas come with all the nutrition a kid needs so there’s no need to add any extra calories. And there’s no reason to add cereal to a bottle of breast milk either.

Even so both my mom and mother-in-law suggested beefing up my daughter’s bottle when she was an infant.  Thankfully when I told my mom that pediatricians now believe enhancing a bottle is a mistake she immediately dropped the subject. However, my mother-in-law persisted that the age-old device was still good.  I politely told her that I disagreed. When that didn’t work I ignored her.

But when she pleaded her case to my husband while I was out of the room I knew I had to take further action. So I printed out some information from several reliable websites and presented her with the facts. Case closed. She never brought it up again.

Don’t worry; my mother-in-law and I are still on speaking terms in fact we get along really well. I’d like to think that my “honesty is the best policy” approach to parenting helped bring us together. Or at least that’s what I like to tell myself. Anyway, no matter what the disagreement family members usually get over it. Dealing with old-fashioned advice from friends can be a bit trickier. After all, your family is stuck with you no matter what friends on the hand can always cross you off their list.

When a casual friend of mine told me that her 1-year-old son just loved roaming around the house in his walker I bit my tongue. Sure my parents used a walker when I was a kid but I was shocked that such a dangerous contraption was still on the market. Pediatricians now advise parents not to buy them. Kids can topple over in a walker – or heaven forbid fall down the stairs -even under the watchful eye of an adult.

So when my friend suggested I get a walker for my daughter I politely told her that my ten-month old was already pretty good on her on her feet. Thankfully she dropped the subject and starting talking about the latest and greatest diaper pail. If she had kept up bragging about the walker I definitely would’ve told her pointblank just how dangerous they can be. But since I knew how cautious my friend was I didn’t push my luck I simply said, “Be careful”. Luckily her son started walking on his own a few days later and refused to ride in his walker anymore. Another case closed.

Like it or not as soon as you have a kid everyone starts throwing advice your way. And it’s up to you to figure out how to handle it. Whether you deal with it straight on or politely ignore it just remember that most people mean well, they really do. It’s just that our parents and grandparents just want to feel help us raise our kids.

It’s not their fault that previous generations of parents weren’t given as much information as we are privy to today. We should consider ourselves lucky – unsolicited advice and all. So try not to get mad or quickly dismiss what someone has to say. Make an effort to listen to their advice. And then either calmly agree, disagree or change the subject. If my mother-in-law and I can get along so can you and yours!