Telling Your Husband
You may decide to wait until the first trimester has passed before you tell the world about your baby news, but your husband gets to find out right away. One tip: try to roll with the punches of his reaction. Depending on his personality, he may do anything from cry to jump for joy to pat you on the back and say, “That’s nice, dear.”
Tricia, 33, was appalled at her husband’s less-than-enthusiastic response. “He had been trying to get me to agree to have a baby for years, and I finally decided it was time. When the test came back positive, I had all of these fantasies about his elated response to this…thing…that he had wanted for so long. What actually happened when I told him the exciting news: he smiled a little, said ‘good,’ and then asked if I wanted some ice cream as he was on his way to the kitchen anyway. I was like, ‘What?!’ He didn’t understand why I was stunned, and he insisted that he was very excited about having a baby. Men are so weird.”
If you’ve been actively trying for a baby, your husband may want to be in on the testing process. While elaborate surprises are fun, it’s no less thrilling to hear “I’m pregnant!” as soon as you find out. You know your husband best; if he’s the type of guy who hates surprises - even good ones - it may be best to tell him that you’re going to take a pregnancy test and will let him know the results soon. But if you think he would enjoy a unique way of finding out that he has a baby on the way, by all means put a little thought into creating a memorable experience for him.
Tina, 31, says she knew she wanted to surprise her husband from the beginning. “We had only been trying for two months, but we were so anxious to get pregnant. My husband said he wanted to know as soon as a test came back positive, but I knew he would enjoy the moment more if it was a little bit of a surprise.
The day before I got a positive result, I had tested negative - it was just too early - so my husband thought we were on to month number three. It nearly killed me to wait a whole 24 hours to tell him, but I needed to pick something up at the bookstore. That night I presented him with a book about what father’s need to know during their baby’s first year, and I said, ‘It’s time to read up because you’ll be tested in nine months.’ His huge smile made my all the sneaking around worth it!”
Sarah, 29, also used a book to break the news. “My husband is a very pragmatic, don’t-count-your-chickens-before-they’re-hatched kind of guy, and he was annoyed that I was pouring over baby name books long before we even started trying for a baby. He asked me to hold off until I was actually pregnant. So when I discovered that I was, I placed a baby name book under his pillow for him to find. He reached underneath to find out what the lump was, and he realized what it meant. There’s no keeping me from that name book now!”
Telling Family & Friends
With family and friends, most people wait at least a few weeks - if not until the end of the first trimester - to spread the baby news. This gives you more time to think about exactly how you want to make the announcement and perhaps time it to coincide with an upcoming special event or holiday.
Megan, 26, picked Christmas to deliver the news. “My husband is one of five kids, so Christmas celebrations are huge and chaotic. I waited until it was relatively calm and then unwrapped a gift of baby clothes - that I had wrapped up, of course. We had been trying for a while, which his family knew, so I plastered this confused, hurt expression on my face. It went deadly silent in the room, and everyone looked at everyone else trying to decide who had had the poor taste to give us baby clothes as a gift. Finally, I said, ‘All right, who gave me baby clothes? Thanks, it’ll come in handy in a few months!’ The horrified silence immediately turned into cheers and claps.”
Thanksgiving is another popular time to reveal the imminent arrival of another family member. “My family has a tradition of holding hands before the meal and taking turns saying what we’re each thankful for,” says Tammi, 28. “I managed to position myself to go last. When it got to me, I said, ‘I’m thankful that at next year’s Thanksgiving dinner, we’ll have a six-month-old baby at the table with us.’ It took a few seconds for my family to understand what I was saying, but they finally did and gave my husband and me big hugs. It was great.”
Mother’s Day or Father’s Day is another excellent time to surprise soon-to-be-grandparents with the news. “For Mother’s Day last year, I gave my mom a two-sided photo frame,” explains Mandy, 32. “On one side was a photo of me as a little girl and on the other side I had slipped a piece of paper inside the frame that said, ‘Reserved for Baby Callahan (my last name), November 2007. She started screaming and crying and later said it was the best Mother’s Day gift she had ever received. Apparently it even topped the macaroni necklace I made for her in second grade.”
Your news doesn’t have to wait for a special occasion, however. Denise, 34, and her husband told her parents on a Tuesday night. “I just couldn’t wait any more!” she explains. “It turned out to be great, though. I’m a scrapbooker, and I told my mom and dad that I wanted a photo of them with me and my husband for a book I was finishing - and it had to be taken that night.
They’re used to my nutty obsession with crafting, so they didn’t even blink when we dropped by their house. I have a 12-year-old from my first marriage who was taking the photo. And instead of prompting, ‘Say cheese,’ he yelled, ‘Mom’s having a baby,’ and then snapped the picture. Now we have that moment captured forever - my parents with their mouths hanging open and my husband and me grinning like idiots.”
When the News May Be Difficult
On a more serious note, if this pregnancy was unplanned or if you think your husband might not be over the moon about it, it’s best to avoid a cutesy approach and simply have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
When your emotions are under control and there are no distractions, sit him down and tell him that you have some exciting but unexpected news. Or if you’re a bit conflicted about it yourself, you might say that you have something to tell him, and you’re not sure how to feel about it either. If you convey your feelings right from the start - conflicted, ecstatic, shocked - it will set the tone for him too.
Sometimes it’s a friend or family member who may have trouble with your news. If someone close to you has recently experienced the loss of a pregnancy or is having trouble conceiving, it’s wise to take their feelings into consideration.
If you’re planning a reveal at a big gathering, you may decide to call her the night before and let her know what’s going on. Sometimes just a head’s up ahead of time will allow her to digest your news and be ready to wish you well when the announcement is made. Her own sadness may prevent her from joining in the festivities, however, so try to be sympathetic to what she’s going through.
On the other hand, if your loved one would hate to be singled out - thereby reminding her that others are aware of her sad situation - you might decide to say nothing to her ahead of time. It’s an individual decision based upon how well you know the person and what you think she would prefer. With either decision, your good intentions may get you in trouble, but at least you’ll know that you did, in fact, have good intentions.
While occasionally difficult, telling people about your pregnancy is usually exciting for everyone involved. However you break the happy news to your husband, family, and friends, the important thing is that you can all look forward to your coming bundle of joy together. Oh, and it also allows you to enter the next stage of pregnancy: all of the questions about the baby’s gender and what names you’ve picked out.
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