I don’t know if there are fewer hours in the day or if I’m just so wrapped up in all of the life happening around me that I don’t notice time passing anymore. All I do know is that I seem to accomplish half as much in a day as I did in the time known as “B.C.” (before children).
In the years B.C., I had dates with my husband. I had regular pedicures – no to mention haircuts. I had regular nights out with the girls (what on earth did we have to talk about back then?). I had an occasional massage and many a candle-lit soak in a bubbly tub with a book and a glass of wine. Those were the days, right?
Wait a minute… those days were certainly fun and relaxing, but they didn’t have sweet baby smiles, nuzzles in a moonlit rocking chair or the smell of milky baby breath. Those days gone by were wonderful, but they weren’t the life of my dreams. Now I’m living life – every moment of it – with greater meaning and purpose.
But you know what those bygone days did have that I’m obviously missing now? The ability to take time out for myself. The priorities are so very different now: the children, the husband, the friends, the house, the environment…even the presidential election seems more important to me than myself. And my heart just goes out to every woman who’s balancing all this AND a career.
I hope I don’t sound like I’m whining about motherhood or playing the martyr role. I actually find it quite simple to put myself last. There’s only so much time in the day and everybody has to prioritize. And there are pieces of all of these other things that do feed me. I wouldn’t trade midnight feedings for all the parties in New York. Really!
And yet there’s a delicate balance at play here. This is the great trick of motherhood: how to stay centered in the eye of the hurricane of family life. Have you ever seen the radar pictures of a hurricane – how the great winds swirl around one quiet point. You are that point for your family and when you get off-center, you become part of the storm instead of the safe haven that your arms were created to be.
Have you noticed what happens around you when you get stormy? The mother is the emotional anchor of the home. There’s an old saying in the South: “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” In order for your children to be truly happy, they need a balanced, joyful mother. Here’s another a pro pros saying: “You have to fill your own pitcher before you can fill anyone else’s cup.”
Is your emotional pitcher bone-dry? It’s time for some self-care. Is your physical pitcher depleted of energy and beauty? The answer is self-care.
There are actually some simple ways to make room for yourself in your daily schedule. The trick will be in changing your mindset, in realizing that you really are a priority and that you deserve to be taken care of and pampered a little. For me, this was especially challenging because every time I took time for myself, I felt guilty because my husband didn’t. He worked at work and then he came home and helped me work at home. He continually told me that time with the kids was so much fun for him that it was like having time off, but I still felt guilty.
Then one day I had one of those “a-ha” moments: It was up to me to choose what was healthy for me and it was up to him to make his own choices. I could encourage him to take time off to do something fun with his friends or go running or work in the garden, but whether or not he did was ultimately up to him. I could only make choices for myself.
So I started to make healthier choices for myself. I started thinking about my life in terms of Spirit-Mind-Body and how I could get in balance within those three aspects. I started to make a little time every day to be kind to myself. I started by choosing one of baby’s naptimes and making it sacred to me. I chose her morning nap because that is my “up” time every day – the time of day when I feel energized and creative and naturally joyful.
The first few days, I lamented the loss of my prime chore time. But soon I became so energized by my self-care time that I wouldn’t have exchanged it for all the house-cleaners in New York. Really!
I’ll give you some ideas about how to nurture your self through Spirit-Mind-Body care, but don’t ever feel limited by someone else’s ideas. Get creative and learn to listen to your own inner voice. The more you learn to follow your own guidance, the stronger it becomes and the more fulfilled your life will be.
When thinking about care of the Spirit, here are some things to consider:
- Creative health is intimately tied to spiritual health. You spent nine months pouring most of your creative energy in your baby: now it’s time to turn that energy within. What is one creative endeavor that would feed your soul? For me, quite obviously, it’s writing. But I also look at menu planning and creating amazing meals for my family as a creative outlet. I have a friend to puts her baby down to nap and then runs to her basement to paint every day and another who picks up her bass guitar every evening as soon as her baby is asleep. Once your creativity is unleashed, you will feel more energized and fulfilled by your daily routine.
- Whether you’re a religious person or not, take time to pray, meditate or just be quiet and breathe for a few minutes. I’ve found that when I’m feeling a little “off”, this is the quickest way back to center.
- Spiritual health is about paying attention. Are you happy? Are your surroundings beautiful? (The soul loves to commune with beauty.) Do have any unmet needs? Just begin to pay gentle attention to your thoughts and feelings and let them guide you to a healthier, happier life.
Mental health is so important to everyone, but for a mother, it’s even more critical.
- Take time to feed your brain every day. I was so embarrassed a few months ago when I went to a party and had NOTHING to talk about except my amazing children. Yikes! I started turning on my radio to listen to the news occasionally so I’d be a little more clued in. One of those things I used to do in the days B.C. was crossword puzzles. It’s now been proven that doing crossword puzzles daily reduces chances of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease later on.
- Take a nap! I found that when I was over-tired from too many nighttime feedings, my brain started to get fuzzy and it started to affect not only my thinking, but also my emotions. I know how hard it can be to give up an hour of prime chore time for a nap, but you will actually get more accomplished in the long run by taking a nap. Your body needs sleep.
- Did you know that what you think is intimately tied to how you feel? Do you have old negative thought patterns that need to be addressed? One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to notice when you’re getting negative and make a change in your thinking. Your emotions will improve, your health will be better, and your family will be more joyful when they have a loving, healthy mother and wife.
Why does physical health always seem to be the very last on the list? Having a healthy body is the foundation that every other aspect of life is built on. Here are some ideas:
- You might not have time for a 45-minute workout any more, but you and your baby would both be healthier and happier if you took the time to go for a walk every day. The fresh air and exercise will energize you better than a cup of coffee!
- To combat the rainy weather here in Oregon, our family got a pass to a local indoor pool and we go most evenings after dinner. The kids love splashing around with their dad and I love taking 20 minutes to swim laps before I join in the family fun
- Make sure you’re feeding yourself properly! If you’re breastfeeding, your calorie requirements are even higher than when you were pregnant, but that doesn’t give you a free ticket to eat anything you want. Focus your intake on healthy fruits, vegetables, lean meats and complex carbs. Watch your portions, especially if you have a few baby pounds you’d like to loose. (Don’t we all?!)
Bringing yourself into balance really will change the quality of your life, which in turn will affect your family. Don’t they deserve to have a happy, healthy mom? And I know you’re worth it!
Set as favorite
Bookmark
Email This
Comments (0)
Show/Hide CommentsHave Something to Add?
Show/Hide Comment Entry Form
