[Submitted Question]

I am so exhausted. It seems I am busy all day taking care of the house and our eight-week old baby. At night I have to get up every 2.5 hours to nurse the baby. My husband is a wonderful father, but he doesn't help at all with the work. I know he works hard at his job but I also need him to help me at home. Any advice on how best to approach this?

[WombToBloom]

Tell him what you just told this forum! I would be sure to acknowledge that he works hard at his job. He does and he has stresses during his day that you don’t necessarily know or hear about – so don’t discount that. But he can certainly help out at home.

My husband would always tell me “I’ll do whatever you need me to do – just ask.” Which, of course, made me made because I shouldn’t have to ask. He should just know that the kitchen needs to be cleaned up and I’m busy bathing the baby. Well, for whatever reason, my husband isn’t wired like that. I’ve learned to pick my battles and now I say “Hey, the baby needs a bath tonight. Do you want to bathe him or would you rather clean up the kitchen?”

For ongoing jobs though, just be honest with him. Tell him that you’re exhausted and that you really need him to pitch in. Don’t wait for him to volunteer though – you’ll need to suggest the areas in which you’d like his help. For example, tell him that you’d really like to have about 30 minutes to yourself after dinner (maybe take a bath) to kind of re-energize yourself in anticipation of the long night ahead (the one he gets to sleep through), so could he take care of cleaning up the kitchen each night? Or, you spend so much time doing and folding laundry lately that it’s really getting to you, could he agree to put clean laundry away anytime he sees it folded in the basket? Would he agree to run through a to-do list each Saturday morning for an hour or two while the baby naps?

Good luck!

[rolland]

Dear need help mom,
Being a newly wed guy, almost 4 years now, I can tell you there is a huge difference between men and women. The best gift that someone gave us was a book on Love and Respect that has greatly helped our relationship. It points out the differences and offers help on how to improve the relationship. Basically ladies are looking for love in a relationship and men need respect. At first I didn’t realize this was true that what I really needed was respect but I certainly do now. My wife and I have a very loving relationship that has grown and grown.
Certainly you do need help and your husband should be helping you. We guys are not mind readers, remember that ! We guys are wired differently and some time just don’t have a clue. Now how you approach your loved one is important, if you show him disrespect you won’t get the cooperation that you are seeking. Honest, open communications are needed. Do not be accusing, using personal attacks. Remember ladies that we guys some times just don’t get it ! We some times need to be told in a very nice way what you need.
I don’t know what level of stress your husband has with his job, mental stress can be worse than physical. I know that my dad came home totally exhausted each work day.
Best always
Rolland

[WombToBloom]

Woot! Thank you for a guy's perspective. Men are often a left-out segment in the pregnancy discussion realm and it's wonderful addition! Hope you stay with us as our site grows.

[Littlemummy]

Hi,

In my opinion you just need to sit him down and be honest. It will get easier when baby is sleeping through, but for now you need a little more help. If he's a good guy (which I'm sure he is) he'll want to help. Sometimes men want to help but don't know how, I've found that a job board helps, if I'm getting bogged down I'll put a few jobs in his column and he's only to happy to help.

Good Luck

[tariq456]

I think you should try to tell him that you can not do every thing alone and You need his help.. Hope He will try to help you even in hid busy routine..
Good Luck!