[Submitted Question]

Ever since we have become parents it seems that my husband only thinks of me as his baby's mother. I don't think he sees me as a woman any longer. Should I talk to him about this?

[WombToBloom]

I think that communication is always key. But don’t presume to know what he thinks. Start the conversation by telling him how you feel. Don’t assign a particular thought or emotion to him – you’ve gotta give the guy a chance! If there are certain things that he has done or that he has said that lead to you feel this way, point those out to him and let him know how those actions made you feel. Ask him how he feels and be prepared to validate his feelings too. New parents are always tired and overwhelmed and their intimacy (emotional and physical) can really suffer. It is really important to keep talking to one another and to not play the blame game.

[Littlemummy]

This sounds simplistic but a night out together, or lunch always does the trick for me. It's hard to get out of mummy mode when your children are always around, he may be having a similar problem.

[JFletcher]

My husband was like that with our first. By the time I cared again-my midwife had given me the 'go-ahead', you know the one I mean.

So, one night when the baby was sleeping pretty deep between feedings, I took a bath with my sexiest 'potions', put on the nightie he liked the best, and walked past him while he was watching TV. I said "Good night" in a come hither tone.

He just gave me this dumb look and didn't follow me. So a few minutes later he was hit in the back of the head with lacey panties. He got the idea pretty quick and realized 'Mommy' didn't equate 'Nun' or untouchable.

If you don't want to be that extreme, just dress like a woman, stop using baby talk, and take care of yourself as close to what you did before baby as you can.

[meltrebo]

My husband and I talked about the same thing when my daughter was a baby. Does your baby sleep in the room with you? Our baby was in the pack-n-play next to our bed and it really creeped my husband out. Once we moved her into her room, for even a portion of the night, he was a little bit back to normal! Good luck!

[Catmuse33]

J-
ROFLMAO about getting hit in the head with panties!

I don't have a lot to add but I agree about playing the seductress, scheduling a date (no talk of baby), and communicating with him. Moving the baby out of the room may help, as well... My hubby and I have done pretty well working around that.

To the OP... are you SURE he really isn't interested in viewing you as a woman anymore...? Maybe he's just exhausted and assumes you are, too. I know for few months after pregnancy (even after the six week go-ahead) I had very little desire and didn't really care. I had to let hubby know, "Um, my sex drive is back now." (that was literally what I did... I said, "Hm, my sex drive seems to be back to normal! We should probably start making some time to be alone!"

So yes, talk to him.

[Kadi]

How do you see yourself?
Has your room become overrun with baby items? Does the whole house revolve around the new baby? Do you only talk about parenting and the baby? If so, that is normal for a new mom but not conducive to a marriage.
Make your bedroom a sanctuary. Even if only for the night. Remove all baby related things. Light candles. Get adult food and drink if possible. Force yourself to focus only on your mate and yourself. Do this on a regular basis to foster romance. You may have to force yourself at times, but once you are in the moment, you will know that it was worth the effort.

[noellavigeant]

There's a delicate balance to being a woman. One third is nurturer, on third is queen and one third is seductress. Keeping this in mind as you get thru the baby years will help you keep your relationship in balance. But definitely, TALK. Oh yea, the panty thing works great too!

[MrsAshley]

I agree with Kadi, make that bedroom a sanctuary. That is the one room, if the only room that remains clean. It has candles around at all times, it's clean and neat and it is only used for sex and sleeping. Communicate with your husband being careful not to accuse him of anything but express how your sex drive is back, how you desire some a lone time with him, mention of few things you'd like to do with him and I'm sure you'll have his attention.

[amberj]

You should definitely talk to him. Maybe he needs a little alone time with you. If possible find a sitter and spend some time together doing something you loved doing together before you had kids. And Kadi is right make your room your sanctuary.