[Submitted Question]

My husband wants me to stay home after the baby is born, but I do not want to throw away the career I have worked so hard for. How can I convince him that I can be a good mom even if I work outside the home?

Hannah K., Oregon

[WombToBloom]

It sounds like the two of you need to sit down without distractions and discuss the reasons behind your respective positions. Ask him why it’s so important to him that you stay home with the baby. What are his specific reasons? Tell him exactly why it’s so important for you to maintain your career. Ask him how he would feel if you insisted that he give up his job and stay home. Don’t do it in an offensive or aggressive manner – just ask him to share his feelings.

Try to work out a specific schedule for both of you to spend time with the baby. Maybe he will take the baby to day care and you will pick her up. Discuss whether or not either of your work schedules is flexible enough to pick her up early or work from home on occasion. Interview day care providers together so that he can see how well the baby will be cared for. Use some of your “put together” working mom friends as examples of how it can be done. My guess is that vague arguments won’t cut it here – paint a picture for him and maybe he’ll jump on board.

[ClarissaNassar]

talking openly about how you feel is so so important. I know that I had to have the same talk with my hubby after my 2nd child. We ended up doing a "trial" period of me working out of the home and it worked really well for us...now we live across the country from our family so I stay home with the kids. But, still, I do take hours out of the day to WORK and he understands how my working keeps me sane

[Melissa]

This is one of many issues that you and your spouse will have to compromise and navigate through as you become parents.

I don't know what type of work you do but is there any chance you could cut back to part-time or telecommute? Flex time and other "mom" friendly options are more available in some fields than others.

Good luck!

[MrsAshley]

Did you talk about this before becoming pregnant? If so, what was the decision there? Obviously he feels very strong about this so I would proceed with caution. What are your reasons for wanting to work? Do you think you'll miss the social aspect? The goal setting and accomplishment? I work from home a few hours a week and have surpassed the income that I had in the work place. I work a few hours from home because I need that social activity and the feeling of accomplishment, so I can relate to that. Are you working because you have a great income producing job and are afraid to loose that? If so, find out the price of the high quality day cares in your area and see how much you would be making after you deduct that. I have friends of mine that work to pay for day care because they just don't want to spend that much time with their kids. Hopefully, that's not your situation. I recommend that you and your husband sit down without distractions and make a list of pros and cons. Share your feelings, your childhood, share anything that is making you lean towards working out of the home. Hopefully you'll be able to find a good balance. Maybe you could work part-time. I have a great friend who is a doctor who only works three days a week so she can stay at home some and still have money to put her husband through law school. As soon as he gets his career going she'll stay at home because that's her preference. Could you find a good live-in or out nanny that would spend one on one time with your child. Perhaps your husband would like that better because of the special attention a nanny would give that a day care can not. Share and genuinely listen and hopefully the two of you can find a good balance. I wish you all the best!

[tariq456]

I don't know why you want to go for job ? But I think it is better that you stay at home and care your baby . Without job you can manage but if your baby face any problem then what will you and your husband do . Its all depend upon you what you feel . Other hand if you must want to go for job then you can say him "I will manage my job and my kid". May be your husband agrees .

[johniori]

great idea Admin shared i am agree with this that you should discus clearly that what will you have to do after baby ?