[WombToBloom]

Ok...need some advice here. Our 14-year old is, well, 14! With that age comes stubbornness and a whole host of hormones. I realize this as I've been there myself but I wanted to see how you all keep it together when they are being 14, lol!

He's rather shy but only on occasion. Tonight, however, it just seemed over the top.

We went out to the ice cream shop tonight after dinner and he wanted to get a particular sundae. I told him to tell the woman behind the counter when it's our turn to order, not me.

He said he didn't want to do that. I explained that if he doesn't order something then she won't know what to make. He refused.

I said that if he doesn't order something then he won't have anything because he's a big boy and he can say "I'd like a candy sundae, please."

He said he'd rather have nothing than order it so he had nothing.

Right or wrong?

[MrsAshley]

I totally agree with you! Once he does it a few times he'll be more comfortable with it and will be able to order for himself. Does he do this at restaurants too? Since I was small I could always order at restaurants (my family didn't cook a whole lot) but when it came to returning something to the store I was scared still through my later teen years. I over came this by simply doing it over and over again. I don't think you scared your son for life, but I think next time he might muster the courage to order that yummy candy sundae.

[WombToBloom]

He does order at restaurants so I think this was just a hormonal block. That or he didn't really want ice cream and got more satisfaction out of being stubborn.

I still can't return things at the store without feeling guilty and a little intimidated, lol! Maybe I'll buy a bunch of stuff with the intention of returning it so that I can get the hang of it. You know, meet the fear head on.

[journeybirth]

I dunno lol - I was the same way, and still am! I hate going through drive throughs so much that I'll actually unload all the kids and drag them in somewhere to get something to go! So, my dh orders for me whenever we're together It could just be a quirk lol

[advocatemom]

One of my sons has a hard time ordering food too. We tried making him do it and he actually had the kid behind the counter in tears! I had him practice by sending him to McDonalds or Dairy Queen with people other than me and my husband. Part of his problem was that he felt funny ordering in front of us. It's a teen thing...

[WombToBloom]

Originally Posted by advocatemom

Part of his problem was that he felt funny ordering in front of us. It's a teen thing...

This I totally understand. I can't figure it out. I have never pointed and laughed at him while he ordered food.

"Whoa. THAT'S how you order a hamburger? I have no son."

Who knows what it stemmed from, I just found it interesting that he'd rather have nothing than say 9 words. We're heading to Chili's for lunch so we'll see if he eats or watches me dive into a platter of ribs.

[Moonsong]

I agree with what you did, but also can understand the ... shy reaction in front of you too. He wants to please you, even if it is an unconscious choice, and doesn't want to seem stupid......... I'm remembering my own younger years as well as watching younger siblings and friends kids. A few were actually honest enough to admit to feeling stupid... One actually admitted it was because they had a kid's crush on the server, and couldn't make themself talk!!

[CMccoy]

hmmm...well having some personal experience growing up with your dh (or if this is dh..you!) ...he/you was/were a shy one him/yourself so you are partially battling genetics, on the other hand I teach 8th graders and deal with the fickleness(sp) and stubborness of that age group everyday! And often they will take the (what seem to us to be illogical) consequences as opposed to doing what it is we'd like.

I think the best you can do is continue to encourage him to order whenever you are in a situation like that. I also try to have a conversation with the kid after the situation hass been diffused and time has passed and see if they'll fess up to some reason for their (odd) actions. If he is able to do this with others and it's just you then I would definitely try to go that direction with it.

Do be careful/sensitive to the hormone situation if Selena Gomez look a like is behind the counter cut him a little slack. I remember being totally confident in most situations when it came to speaking unless the other person was an attractive male.

Good luck!
Christi

[jillsadoula]

I am LOL at this - especially your satire of putting him down for the way he orders, HA! My kids are still young, but I like to discuss things with them before it happens. Before we get out of the car I ask what they want to eat at restaurant (we frequent the same places). Maybe you could talk about it in the car and then he isn't feeling shy and put on the spot? I love that you didn't bail him out though - someday he'll thank you for helping him conquer his shyness - otherwise the poor kid will have to endure a life with no ice cream!

[NormanLUnderwood]

You did the right thing. We should train our kids to be mature and responsible. Because time will come when they will be the one to handle for themselves. we should not spoil our kids and you did the right thing