Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

As I sit here looking at my beautiful 2-month old daughter fall asleep in her little exotic jungle bouncer, I can’t help but think of all the reasons that made my pregnancy successful. 

Despite being very high risk and on bed rest for two months, I was able to give birth to a 5 pound 15 ½ ounce baby girl, who we now call Lydia.  Pregnancy by cultural default is supposed to be filled with countless hours of a woman showing of her cute pregnant belly, spending lots of quality time with her partner, family, and friends locating all the baby stores in town, and then of course she is automatically excused for enjoying a second serving of any food or dessert of your choice without any guilt. 

When a loved one looks upon the glowing face of a pregnant woman, they are always joyful because of the opportunity to be part of her journey into motherhood.

It is for all these reasons that a woman can become depressed very quickly and almost lose that glow when she finds out that she cannot enjoy these traditional pregnancy moments due to the risk they pose to her and her unborn child.  Having a complicated or high risk pregnancy can suddenly turn any pregnancy, planned or unplanned, into a nightmare because of the varied restrictions healthcare providers place on a woman in order to ensure a successful outcome. 

With me for example, I developed gestational diabetes so badly that I had to change my diet entirely and start taking insulin 4 times a day in order to keep my baby from gaining too much weight for high blood sugars.   I felt so embarrassed to have to take bathroom breaks to poke my stomach with a needle.  I also developed high blood pressure and was forced to start taking breaks during my work day which made it difficult for me to keep up with my responsibilities and others had to do extra work on my behalf. 

Although I was willing to make all these changes to protect the health of my baby like most pregnant women, the most difficult change to make was to be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.

As I continue writing this, the memories are so fresh in my mind.  I remember it felt like I was being robbed, diagnosis after diagnosis, of my precious journey into motherhood.  Suddenly I went from being a full-time independent working woman to a full-time sick person who was forced to stay at home in order to improve the outcome of my pregnancy. 

I went from socializing with relatives and friends to being alone in my bedroom all day long with only the occasional movements of my baby.  Being on full bed rest meant that I was not allowed to prepare any meals for myself, do any housework, leave my bedside except to use the restroom and shower.  I could not even go for a walk outside and enjoy the sun. 

Essentially my life’s purpose until giving birth was to lay down 24hours a day, 7 days a week.  Being put on bed rest meant I was losing my independence and had to rely on my husband to do EVERYTHING.  This meant he had to buy baby clothes, organize and decorate the nursery, and essentially do all the things I was supposed to do.

Well, at the start of my bed rest I had spent two weeks in the hospital dwelling so obsessively on the ever so dimming light at the end of the tunnel, which was my healthy baby, instead of my journey into motherhood.  This was the most difficult time for me.  I was scared about everything.  I originally dreaded the phone calls I got where I had to explain what lead to me being high risk. 

But then something happened.  When I was approved to leave the hospital to spend the rest of my pregnancy at home, the nurse told my husband that it was now up to him, our family, and friends to take care of me so that I could take care of the baby.  And that’s exactly what happened.

The following is a list of all the things my husband, family, friends, and co-workers did for me that eased the challenge of being on bed rest. 

Bring tasty already made meals over – A pregnant woman on bed rest is not allowed to prepare meals so this means that she must rely on others to help her.  Although my husband was amazing because he helped keep the house in order while working full-time and being in graduate school part-time, he just became overwhelmed after a while.  This is where having my co-workers and friends bring over meals helped not only to fill our stomachs with tasty meals, but also our relationship.

Bring movies, audio-books, magazines – Boredom sets in very quickly for a pregnant woman on bed rest.  This is a simple way to help out.  You could also bring materials to help her explore hobbies like knitting, crocheting, drawing, etc.

Visit often – When I was on bed rest I could only leave the house to go in for prenatal appointments once a week and a home nurse visited the rest of the time.  I was so deprived of human interaction that whenever I went to the clinic I would chat up every single person I could find. 

Within one minute of meeting a stranger, I would tell my life’s story.  Although this helped me befriend a lot of people quickly, I also wanted to be around people I already knew and could relate to.  When people stopped by my house, even if for 30 minutes, I enjoyed it.  In fact, when I knew they were coming in advance, I would put on a cute maternity outfit and strut my belly around.

Bring baby shower gifts early – A co-worker of mine brought by a large bag of various baby gifts like wash cloths, socks, receiving blankets, burp cloths, a few onsies, and hair bands by surprise and although I wasn’t’ expected to give birth for another two months, it was very nice to have a chance to look at those kinds of things to help me think of the ways that they will be put to use.
Plan a baby shower at her house OR after delivery – This is VERY important because I was devastated when I thought I wouldn’t be able to have a baby shower.  In my case, my co-workers gave me a shower after I already had the baby due to the fact that no one really knew when the baby would come. 

At first I was a little sad at not being able to show off my huge belly in front of everyone like most women do at traditional baby showers, but instead I got to wait a month, request very specific things I needed for the baby, and actually bring the baby to the baby shower.  It all worked out, better than expected.

Donate some cash – This one came by me as a surprise but was definitely appreciated.  Usually, when a pregnant woman plans to work up until she delivers the baby, going on bed rest means the family will lose income OR she may have to go back to work sooner than planned.  My family and co-workers surprised me by having a collection in my name for us to be able to buy food and a few big baby items that way we wouldn’t have to stress about the fact that I was going to end up losing 2 months of my vacation and sick time to use for being on bed rest.

Offer an hour to clean, run errands, organize, etc. – This is super important because in my case, my husband simply could not carry out any decorating plans or do a SUPER cleaning of the house in preparation for the baby.  Having my mother, sister, and a few friends come over really helped me feel comfortable that we would have a place ready for the baby when I myself couldn’t be part of any strenuous baby preparation activities.

Babysit other kids – Although this was for my first pregnancy, I couldn’t imagine being on bed rest AND having toddlers to handle.  Babysitting the other kids of a pregnant woman is perhaps the single most obvious way to relieve her stress, because kids thrive on structure and mom being on bed rest usually means chaos as dad tries to get everything done.

Boost her self confidence – When a co-worker of mine came to visit although I felt I looked like crap, she had a huge smile on her face as she said, “You are the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen.”  One day my husband also noticed my growing belly as I was preparing for bed and he just stared for a while before saying “Have you seen yourself lately?”  Afterwards I looked at our full-length mirror and thought, “I’m pregnant, not sick.”  This recognition reminded me that I am still on that journey into motherhood despite not being able to leave the house.

Have a portrait session – One thing I like to do these days as I reflect on my motherhood now is look at the transition and how my body literally transformed to give life to another human being.  Since I could not leave my house and have my photo taken professional, my husband would have me dress up and take photos of me relaxing around the house.  Although as I was taking the photos I felt so odd, at the end of the day I look back on those photos and think…Look at my round big belly.  I never once think, look at what life was like on bed rest.

Give massages, pedicures, etc. – This was incredible when my husband decided at some point to just happily give me a massage or put lotion on my back, legs, and feet every evening.  I didn’t even have to request it.  He would just show up after I took my shower in the evening and make me feel relaxed.  Maybe he just wanted a chance to see my big belly before I covered it up with my night gown. 

Ask her if she needs anything – This is a fail-safe way of helping a pregnant woman on bed rest.  Simply ask if she needs anything.  And if she happens to be a shy person, you could bring a list of things and tell her direction you will gladly do any of them now or at a later time.