Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

The first few days of bed rest were fine. I ordered countless items from infomercials that were guaranteed to make my life easier. I looked at a ton of designer nursery layouts, drooled over them, and passed them over as my money tree out back had yet to take root. I counted every dot, swirl, and swiggle in the wallpaper, carpet, bedspread, sheets, and pillowcases. And then I counted them again. It wasn’t long before I started to go a little nuts… and it was not a pretty sight.

It is hard to be active one day, and remanded to your bed with little more than bathroom privileges. It was hard to handle, but I initially tried to put on a brave face, for the sake of my husband and family. As the days stretched out, I found myself slowly beginning to crack. How would we manage financially without my income? Who would get the older kids off to school, feed them, bathe them, or read to them at night? And what about my house? Who would clean it, especially when my husband still thought that all you had to do to clean a toilet was put in one of those colorful deodorizers?

Depression wasn’t far off. About two weeks after I had been on bed rest, I remember going to the doctor for my weekly non stress test and checkup. The doctor came in after the test was done, glanced up at me while reviewing my test results and cheerfully exclaimed, “Well, don’t you look great – so well rested!” I smiled, but the façade cracked, and I found myself suddenly sobbing. I wailed about how much I hated being so restricted. I sobbed about how I felt like such a failure to my family and most of all to my unborn child – I mean, was I such a loser at pregnancy that I couldn’t even keep an innocent little baby safe? And what kind of horrible person was I, I exclaimed, if I couldn’t be adult enough to do what was clearly best for that innocent baby without feeling so much resentment?

Once the levee opened, there was no stopping me. My doctor soothed, patted my hand, passed tissues. One thing she didn’t do was judge or advise. She listened to my fears, let me vent frustrations and anger, and didn’t seem to mind that my 15 minute doctor visit was rapidly doubling. When my tears had subsided to hiccups and small gasps, she removed from her pocket two things: a brochure for an online bed rest support group, and her prescription pad, on which she wrote out orders to allow me to receive antidepressants.

Now some would say that it was weak of me to take the drugs. My doctor patiently explained how they worked, and assured me that the particular one she was placing me on would be safe for the baby.  She also felt that in some ways it was better for us – after all, depression was not good for keeping preterm labor at bay either. I was alright with better living through chemistry, if it meant that it would help keep the baby healthy. I would stay on antidepressants through the remainder of my pregnancy and most of my baby’s first year.

Between the drugs and the support group, I was able to successfully combat the depression that threatened to consume me. I educated myself about my condition, and was pretty relieved to learn that of all the factors that could have led to my bed rest and preterm labor, very few of them had anything to do with me and my habits, personally. Some people are just more pre-disposed to certain conditions, and I was one of them.

The online community was a blessing, too. There were chats, message boards, forums… someone was available around the clock, going through the same thing I was, and feeling my same fears and anxieties. I got advice on things to do, and even developed a relationship with some of the moms-to-be who were close by. We cheered for each other, cried for each other, and prayed for each other. And when our babies came along, we even sent each other birth announcements. I am still close with many of those women, and we have formed lifelong friendships.

If the bed rest experience is bringing you down, don’t be afraid to seek help. Your doctor can steer you in the direction that is best for you given your complaints and symptoms. Just as important as keeping in shape physically is to you and your baby’s overall health, so is being mentally fit. Taking the time to insure your wellbeing is actually one of the best gifts you can give to your family, especially your unborn child. You owe it them, and to yourself, to be the best Mom you can be.