I think my husband might had shed actual tears when I came home from that fated appointment. I was exactly 15 weeks pregnant, and had, as in all my other pregnancies, started having Braxton Hicks contractions. My cervix had changed ever so slightly, and my doctor ordered immediate bedrest and pelvic rest. The bed rest part was ok with him, I think… but PELVIC REST? For my husband, pregnancy had already robbed him of some parts of me, emotionally and physically. But… no sex??!? That was quite an upset.
My husband was brave at first. But within a couple weeks, he was climbing the walls, and both of us had to face that without the intimacy, our relationship was pretty strained. I mean, we loved each other, and we were no where near divorce, but that closeness that two people share through lovemaking… that was a hard thing to go without. Luckily for me, I had online support as well as a very well informed doctor. I quickly learned ways in which my husband and I could be close without sex.
Remember the Good Old Days. You know, long before you made a baby, you courted each other. Remember that? Long slow kisses, touches, and hugs? Caresses? The shear joy of spending time together? My husband and I tried to recapture that. We had date nights, wrote love letters to each other… we frolicked liked teenagers (well as much as one can from the couch…). Those were some great times, and they allowed us to remain close.
So, when they say no sex… Talk to your doctor to find out the limitations of your pelvic rest condition. Does your doctor want you to avoid penetration, or orgasm? Are other sexual activities alright? What about oral sex? This is no time to be uptight. Ask your doctor for the ground rules, and get creative to work within them.
Toys aren’t just for the holidays. Pleasure toys can be fun for you, your husband, or both. There are all kinds of items that are designed for enhancing couple intimacy. Even if you cannot personally engage in actual intercourse, there is plenty you can do to help satisfy your partner. You can order from the comfort and privacy of your own home, and have everything shipped discreetly to you.
Connect in other ways. My husband loved to feel the baby kick, and was very active in helping to design the nursery. He helped me with my bed rest workouts, and sometimes just hung out with me so we could talk. Overall, we found other activities through which to connect. If you or your partner have a specific interest or hobby, this might be the perfect time to teach or be taught. Many times, these hobbies will persist long after the baby arrives.
It’s true, my husband probably would have preferred straight up sex over gin rummy. Heck, I would have too! But it wasn’t possible, and we had to adapt. I promise, no one died, nothing fell off, and no one was ever able to play superhero by lifting any cars. Besides, that first lovemaking session after the baby was born made everything worth the wait!
Above all else, my husband and I learned that we really did have more than lust between us. In some ways, not being able to have sex made us more open to expressing our feelings for each other in creative ways. We grew closer because of this, and that closeness endures even now. All isn’t lost if sex is gone. On the contrary, it can be one of the best things to happen to your relationship.
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