For a child, particularly a toddler or child under five or six years, understanding what bed rest means and why is a difficult proposition. Small kids don’t know why mom can’t get out of bed and play, or get a new sippy cup, or find a toy is too much to understand. For moms who go on bed rest in a difficult pregnancy, the incapacitation itself is hard enough- but to explain it- and STICK to it with a small child (or children!) in the house, the difficulty becomes doubly hard.
There are several things a mom on bed rest can do to help other children deal with the situation. First, explain the best way you can depending on the age and maturity of your child, what is happening. You may explain you are resting so your new baby brother can grow inside mommy’s tummy; or that mommy gets tired very easily and needs to rest because her belly is growing so much; or whatever you think works best for your child.
Next, find a few simple activities that can be done with the child in bed or on the couch with you. The simple act of giving attention and affection is often enough to reassure the little one that mom is ok, and calm him down.
Here are a few ideas:
Rent a handful of good movies or cartoons. I know, many of us don’t want our little ones becoming zombies in front of the boob tube. But let’s face it, in what could become a crisis if you spend too much time out of bed, a bit of clean cartoons may do the trick, especially if mom is watching too. Sometimes cartoon characters do things you find inappropriate. (examples- I used to dislike for my son to watch Calliou on PBS- the main character whined constantly and my son picked up the habit!
Spongebob is another example - he uses the word ‘stupid’, along with several other unsavory habits…..) While you can’t shield your kids from burping cartoon characters forever, it can be a good time for a non-lecture lesson. When Spongebob cranks out a loud belch, it’s a great time to say, wow. He’s not being very polite, is he? He should say, ‘excuse me’. When someone is shown with their feelings being hurt (even Charlie Brown offers this!) it’s prime time to discuss being kind to others and what it is like for someone to hurt feelings. Sometimes a disagreeable show can be the most educational.
Find a preschool curriculum. These can be found at bookstores, discount stores such as Walmart, or online. It doesn’t need to be fancy, but it is a great chance to have quiet time and do educational activities that your child will enjoy, and can give him a boost in preschool as well. These books generally are workbook-style, and have age appropriate activities, such as shape identification, matching, opposites, or for older kids, letters, numbers, etc. You can sit in bed together and do ‘homework’ with a couple of crayons. My son was willing to do these activities for –literally- hours as long as I did it with him.
Put together a cheap ‘bag of tricks’. Make a quick run (ok, send dad) to the ‘Everything’s a Dollar’ store, and pick up $5 or $10 worth of stuff. Yes, it’s junk, but the ability to whip out a new coloring book, puzzle, jacks set, or sticky ball may be just what you need in the face of an imminent meltdown. While I’m not normally a fan of bribery, moms on bed rest must face the fact that bed rest is not normal life! Hey, sometimes you do what you gotta’ do- after all, toddlers are not known for their rational behavior! (Just hide the rest of the toys under the bed.)
Look into surrounding preschools or churches for a ‘Mother’s Day Out’ or part time preschool program. My step-mother would ferry my son once a week to a half day preschool while she did her grocery shopping. Granted, it probably didn’t improve his ABC’s much, but it gave him something to look forward to all week long, and cost very little. The simple act of being with other children was a very big deal to him. (Plus they had a neat playground!)
Keep a few borrowed (from friends or the library) children’s books in a basket. A new book can be whipped out at appropriate intervals to ease a fit, distract trouble, or calm a tired child. Read together.
Gather up the materials to do simple crafts in bed. Stick puppets, holiday cards, toilet-paper roll binoculars, etc. are perfect!
If you ever must be alone with the child(ren), make sure you are prepared before the other adult leaves. Have him make a cooler of drinks and a basket of snacks, toys, diapers, wipes, and other immediate needs within arm’s reach. Put the phone and remote control nearby. Try to schedule such times around naptime, if at all possible, and keep these episodes as short as you can. While it’s not ideal, in reality, sometimes mom is the only one available, even on bed rest.
Place step stools in the bathroom so little ones can reach the faucet and light switch without help. Place another one near your bed so he can easily climb in and out of bed with you. You certainly don’t need to be lifting another child!
Try keeping your other children on a regular schedule to help them cope - there are enough changes with mom in bed all day. Normal dressing, regular meal and bed times can help keep everyday life on track for little ones.
Take every opportunity to let little ones get out of the house. Kids get cabin fever pretty quickly, so if grandparents, siblings, or friends offer play dates or trips to the park, or even to take Jr. along for a ride to the grocery store or run errands, by all means- let them go!
Talk to older children about the upcoming birth, and help them to get excited about a new member of the household. I made a special t-shirt for my older son with iron-on letters. It read ‘Big Brother’ and he was extremely proud to wear it, which he did every single day. As it happened, the ‘R’ came off the first time it was washed, leaving it to read ‘Big Bother’, but he didn’t notice, and all the grownups got a chuckle!
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