Womb to Bloom - Maternity & Beyond

Have I mentioned yet that the first three months of motherhood are exhausting? And frustrating? And frightening? And crazy? Oh, and wonderful.

No matter how many books you’ve read, internet boards you’ve chatted on and advice you’ve been given, nothing truly prepares you for having a tiny, dependent baby living in your home with you. The first three months of your baby's life are extremely emotionally and physically demanding. Regardless of your maternal instincts, babysitting experience and “prep work”, it can be overwhelming. Doubt and anxiety paired with sleep deprivation and stress can take a toll on you. So, how do you survive?

First, relax. I know that your little bundle is helpless and completely dependent on you for her survival. But the paranoia of something happening to her 24/7 will wear you out. Sure, go ahead and keep your copy of “What to Expect in the First Year” or “Ask Dr. Sears” on your nightstand. But try not to read it all day long looking for ways to diagnose those little white bumps on your baby’s face and for the answer to why your baby cries. (It’s baby acne and it goes away. And your baby is hungry, wet, tired or just colicky.) Don’t carry the monitor around the house with you while your baby naps so that you can make sure you get to her as quickly as possible when she cries. (You’ll hear her without it. And if you don’t get there for a minute, she may even fall back to sleep on her own!) Relax. Trust your instincts and get to know your baby.

Second, figure out a way to get some sleep. Most babies won’t sleep through the night until at least three to five months. Until then, you’ll be awakened every two to four hours throughout the night. Sleep deprivation can seriously ruin just about everything else including your mood and your ability to physically function. When my first two children were babies, both my husband and I worked full-time. Our son wouldn’t breastfeed so we alternated nighttime feedings, which worked well. Our second child did nurse, so alternating feedings wouldn’t work. My husband did take it upon himself to get her from her crib, change her and bring her to me. He went back to sleep and I fed the baby (often falling back to sleep with her snuggled at my side). Our twins threw a big wrench into those nice schedules.

By the time the twins were born, I had quit work to stay home. I initially felt some obligation to carry the nighttime load because my husband was the one who had to get up and go to work in the morning. And then I realized that I did too – only my job never ended. (Although I must admit that the ability to nap in the middle of my workday was a bonus.) We eventually fell into a schedule of “every other night”. He got up on Monday nights and let me sleep. I got up on Tuesday nights and let him sleep, and so on. He even slept in the guest room on his “off nights” for a while so that he actually got completely uninterrupted sleep. Just one full night of sleep in the midst of these exhausting first three months can feel life-changing! And, oh! The night the baby decides to sleep for four hours straight instead of two or three? After getting over your panic, you’ll never be so delighted.

Third, don’t forget to eat! The physical act of giving birth to another human being is pretty major. Add the stress and sleep issues on top and you’ve got a recipe for disaster if you neglect yourself. Food is an important component, even more so if you are breastfeeding. If you haven’t had the baby yet, cook a few casseroles and meals to freeze now. Check out our article with a few easy to make and freeze recipes. You won’t have the time or energy to cook real, non-processed meals for a while after the baby arrives but you’ll still be hungry! And do not worry about losing the “baby weight” during these first few months. It takes time. The swelling and redistribution of internal parts make the post-partum body pretty hard to think about. But the swelling goes down and, for some, breastfeeding helps with weight loss. The bottom line though is make sure you are getting the fuel you need to function during these exhausting few months before you even think about dieting.

Fourth, don’t worry about your house. Let me repeat: do not worry about your house. If you have a housecleaning service or can afford to hire one, do it. If your mom and aunt offer to clean while you and the baby nap, well, good God, woman! Say yes! If neither of those magical options is available to you, don’t sweat it. Your baby doesn’t care if the dust-bunnies are piling up under the coffee table or if last night’s dinner dishes are still in the sink. As long as the kitchen counter and the bathroom are not legitimate health hazards, do not worry about it. You’ve got better things to do. (I.e., snuggling, feeding, changing, napping, showering and the like.)

My final tip for surviving the first three months of baby is to let Dad help. Moms (experienced and new) tend to take on the lion’s share of baby and child-care duties. For nine months, the baby has been totally Mom’s responsibility. You’re supposed to know what to do when he gets here. You’ve read all of the books. You know that baby better than anyone else. It’s so easy to just do everything yourself. Until it’s not. Trust your baby’s father to care for your child. Relax (remember point #1 above?). His instincts may not be as fine-tuned as yours – but when will he learn if you don’t give him the opportunity? The sooner he feels comfortable in a caregiver role, the sooner you can leave the house for lunch and a leisurely stroll through Target. And even if he doesn’t do everything “your way”, it’s all good. Parenting is a learning process for all of us and Moms need to remember to give Dads a chance too. Now, I’m not saying that you won’t get two phone calls and three text messages while you’re at Target but at least someone else is doing the dirty work for a while, right?

At the time, your baby’s first three months seem like the longest three months of your life. But, truthfully, they pass so quickly. It won’t be long before you miss the middle of the night snuggles and the naps with an eight pound punkin curled up on your chest. It’s these exhausting times that create the unbreakable bond between parent and child. Just hang in there – you’ll get a full night of sleep very soon, I promise.