When my twins came home from the hospital, they were on two totally different schedules. My oldest twin slept all day, and stayed up all night; while my youngest twin slept during the night, and stayed up all day. I was very accommodating at first—but after a couple of months of being tag teamed by my twins, it got old.
Allowing my twins to follow two separate schedules was more than I could stand. I didn’t have other kids that needed to be cared for, but my twins’ erratic schedules did interfere with other aspects of my life. I was sleep deprived, grumpy, my nerves were frazzled, and my house was a mess because I didn’t have the strength to clean it up.
One day, I was so tired that I wore mixed matched shoes to the grocery store. I didn’t realize it until a little boy kindly tugged my pant let and said, “Hey lady, your shoes are wrong.” I looked down and saw that I had on one white tennis shoe, and one red tennis shoe—the funny thing is I didn’t even care. But I knew that there was no way I was going to continue to be an effective parent if I didn’t find a way to get my twins on the same feeding, changing, and sleeping schedule.
I sat down, and wrote down the schedule that I wanted my girls to follow. I wanted them to sleep during the night, and stay up during the day. I started waking my children up at the same time to feed and change them. Sometimes, they didn’t eat much—but that was okay. My goal was not to force them to adhere to a strict schedule, but to gradually ease them into a schedule that worked for all of us.
I kept the lights on, and the blinds open during the day to help my twins learn the difference between night and day. The presence of the light in the room encouraged my oldest twin to stay up a tad bit longer during the day. I would allow my twins regularly scheduled naps, but if they fell asleep between naps, I would wake them up periodically for just a few minutes, and then allow them to go back to sleep.
I increased the amount of activity they engaged in during the day. I allowed them plenty of tummy time, I took them for walks around the neighborhood, and I spent extra time playing games with them. This helped them sleep longer during their scheduled naptimes. During the night, if one of my twins woke up and wanted to play or eat, I woke the other one up for a few minutes—not necessarily to eat, but to keep their schedules in sync.
I’ve heard all of the criticisms. I’ve been called selfish, mean—you name it, I’ve heard it. Most of the criticisms came from people who’ve never experienced parenting two babies on different schedules.
I took the concerns of others into account, but when those criticizers went home and snuggled into their beds for the night, I was the one still woke caring for my twins—not them. My kids deserved to have a mother who was effective, and able to provide them with what they needed to thrive; not a mother who was too tired to put on matching shoes.
It took about a month of persistence to ease my kids into a schedule that allowed me to get the sleep I need to become the kind of parent my twins deserved. I have more energy, I’m calmer, and my children reap the benefits of a happy mother.
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